Phillipe Bourgois wrote In Search of Respect: Selling Crack in El Barrio, an ethnographic study of crack dealers in East Harlem, where he lived for five years, befriending the dealers and tape recording thousands of hours of their conversation. In this passage, Bourgois sits with Primo, the manager of a crack house called the Game Room, and his assistant, Caesar, as they explain why they deal:
[Primo and Caesar] were usually fired from [entry-level service sector] jobs, but they treated their return to the world of street dealing as a triumph of free will and resistance on their part. A straightforward refusal to be exploited in the legal labor market pushes them into the crack economy and into substance abuse. At the same time, however, becoming a crack seller is by no means the voluntarily triumphalist decision that many street dealers claim it to be. Beneath [Primo’s] outrage over the bad working conditions he was offered, lay a deep fear that his biggest problem is incompetence and laziness.
Primo: [while crushing cocaine in a dollar bill in the back of the Game Room] That fuckin’ lady counselor I got; she’s a stupid bitch. She wanted me to be like a security guard, you know. I don’t wanta be no guard. I don’t wanta deal with some crazy son of a bitch outside. I let them rob anything. Word! All I got is a stick in my hand. And I’m only getting paid once a week. I let them rob anything, man.
That fucking counselor she tells me [imitating a bureaucratic whine], “The better your qualifications, the better the work.” Well fuck her, I’ll just keep searching on my own.
I had an appointment yesterday, a company that I was supposed to check out that takes care of like sheets and stuff, like from hotels–room service. So I went to see, just to take a look at it; but there’s a lot of Mexicans in there, and I’m not a fucking Mexican.
My cousin’s got a job where he’s been working for like three years. He told me last week, “Come with me tomorrow morning to talk to the boss.” But it didn’t work out. I overslept. I had even set up the clock, but I didn’t hear the alarm [sniffing cocaine].
Philippe: Why don’t you just take any old bullshit job just for right now? Like what your sister’s got at McDonald’s.
Primo: You know why I don’t fly to work real quick? I am twenty-six years old, and if I was to fly out of my way and get a McDonald’s job and not no union job, it just shows that you’re flying to get a McDonald’s to cover your ass.
Twenty-six-year-old guy at McDonald’s! Every time you go to McDonald’s, you don’t see anybody twenty-six years old.
Every time that you see someone that’s older, it’s probably because they don’t have no education; no high school; no nothing. They don’t speak English. I mean my English is very bad, but I can go further than at Burger King.
Philippe: Man! You’re just making up excuses.
Caesar: [interrupting, almost angry at me] You know what I call working at a Burger King or a McDonald’s? That’s what I call slavery-ing.
I know, because I worked there, and working at McDonald’s is overworked and underpaid. You could work full time–a week, five days a week–full time, and you only come home with like a hundred forty, one thirty.
And you know why it’s fucked up? It’s not only because it’s overworked and underpaid; it’s that you have to–I mean when I talk about overworked and underpaid!–you have to fuckin’ fry burgers; scrub the floors; because you have to do so much work for bullshit money.
[suddenly reaching for the dollar bill with cocaine and changing his serious tone to a smirk] The only reason why I don’t get a decent job is because I’m lazy. I don’t want to go through the processes.
I don’t want to go looking for no bullshit job and be all frustrated and be getting paid weak and shit like that, until something else comes along.
‘Cause think about it; if you got a bullshit job; how you gonna go look for another one? Cause you gonna be there at the job all the time. And why you wanna be missing a day of your work to go see an interview so they could tell you, “We’ll call you.”
[motioning to Primo to dip his key in the pile of cocaine] Yo! Feed me Primo!
And then you lose a day’s pay which makes you move more to the brink of hell ’cause then you don’t got money for drugs. [grinning wildly before sniffing from the key tip full of cocaine that Primo was holding up to his left nostril] And if I can’t get high the way I want to be on the weekends…[sniffing again, loud mutual laughter]
Philippe: Okay! Okay! [Caesar], I hear you. But seriously Primo, you got a court case coming up.
Primo: [sniffing and recomposing himself] Yes, I am making excuses, but I’ll go to the job center on Monday and follow up. I think I had just got used to the street scene, because it’s been a while since I’ve held a legal job that’s been there.
I didn’t like the tuxedo place they sent me to last week. I didn’t want to be measuring men. It’s not for me to be touching men all over the place like that. That’s wack!
At the same time I shoulda stayed for more than two weeks. That was just not the whole excuse. My problem was that I was hanging out late at the Game Room and I’ve got to wake up in the morning to get to work.
Caesar: [reassuringly] Naah. I visited the store, it wasn’t no place to make a career.
Primo: [morosely] I was just fucking up. I made a choice from there to here and I’m still here.
Caesar: Yeah, I’m lazy right now, ’cause I just want to get up at any fucking chosen time of the day. Wash my balls and go outside with a fat belly from all the grub in my house and go hang out and write [rap] rhymes and bug out upstairs and make my little bullshit money.
See, I stay out of trouble in a way by selling crack, ’cause I chill with Primo. [motioning to Primo to serve him more cocaine] See, what fucked me up before when I was working legal was, I was using the crack. That was the only thing that fucked me up.
‘Cause really, I’m happy with my life. [sniffing] Like no one is bothering me. I got my respect back.
Buela [grandma] likes me. I got a woman. I got a kid. I feel complete now. I don’t really need nothing. I got money to get wrecked. [sniffing again] I just go downstairs and work for Pops, and I ain’t taking none of it home because tomorrow I don’t need no money. So I’ll go get wrecked, but then tomorrow I don’t need no money, ’cause I go back to the Game Room: I work; I get the money; and then I can go get wrecked again. [pointing to Primo, who was dipping his key back into the cocaine.]
Philippe: [laughing] That’s why your sneakers are so dirty?
Caesar: Only reason I ain’t got nice new sneakers is ’cause I have a decision: I could either save the money to buy the sneakers, or I could get wrecked. And right now, I’m going to get wrecked. [sniffing again]
The money I make in the Game Room is for my personal madness; for my personal drug-addiction and self-destruction. It’s something only I could control. No one could tell me what to do with it.
[breaking into a tirade] So I could hurt myself on the inside; so I could wake up every morning with my stomach twisted all in knots and throwing up and sick; and I can’t eat; and I can’t breathe and I’m fulla’ diarrhea; and I’m shitting all over the place; and I’m fucked up; and my one eye is pink; and one eye is white; and my hair stinks; and I’m dirty; and I don’t bathe; and I’m fucked up; and I stink; and I hate my woman; and I hate everybody in the morning. That’s what happens to me after I get wrecked. [sniffing again]
But then I’ll chill; and I’ll be sick; and I’ll puke; and I’ll be cool by the time I get to the Game Room. Then we’re having a good time; we’re breaking shit [pointing to where the television used to be, then opening the door of the Game Room for a customer who had knocked]. We’re hassling customers; we’re cursing customers. Cursing customers in Spanish in front of them; fucking with their minds; selling them garbage drugs so we can make our money [collecting ten dollars and handing over two crack vials]; and so we can go out and buy garbage drugs [pointing to the folded dollar bill full of cocaine balanced on Primo’s knee]; and get ripped ourselves; and talk immense amount of shit [pointing to my tape recorder].
Pgs 117–119
If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!