Author Archives: Matthew Scheer

Ever since I quit my job, refused to go to grad. school, I’ve written full-time. You can find links to my other websites at www.threekeywords.com. Thanks for reading!

Shocking: lucid writing from a mayor

Hous­to­ni­ans,
It is very impor­tant to the City of Hous­ton that we have a com­plete and accu­rate count for the 2010 Census. We lose an esti­mated $1,700 per per­son per year for every­one not counted. Please be on the look­out for the Cen­sus form when it arrives in March, fill it out imme­di­ately and mail it back immediately. Please ask your friends and neigh­bors to

Be Average, a passage from Impro for Storytellers

Keith John­ston is the founder of improv com­edy. The pas­sage below comes from his sec­ond book, Impro for Sto­ry­tellers, which elab­o­rates on many of the ideas from his sem­i­nal first book, Impro.
Be Aver­age
A stu­dent still looks up-tight, so I say, ‘Are you try­ing your best?’
‘Of course!’
‘Is that a good strat­egy?’
‘If I don’t try I won’t get

Terms of the Hunt

The fol­low­ing excerpt is from A View to a Death in the Morn­ing by Matt Cart­mill. My sis­ter sent me the excerpt and said the book’s aim was to “trace the his­tory of the sym­bol­ism of hunt­ing (mostly in the West) and changes in humanity’s under­stand­ing of nature as it relates to hunt­ing, so as

Cremation of a Viking Chieftain: more than just fire in a boat…

This descrip­tion of a Swedish Viking’s funeral in the 10th cen­tury was writ­ten by Ibn Fad­lan, an Arab trav­eler, who saw it first hand:
One day I learnt that one of their chief­tains had died. He was placed apart in a grave which was cov­ered over for ten days until cloth­ing for him had been cut out

A Schoolboy’s Day, Sumer, c. 2000 BC; and Hunting Crocodiles, Egypt, c. 450 BC

These two quotes are from The Mam­moth Book of Eye-Witness His­to­ries, edited by Jon E. Lewis. They are both trans­la­tions from the orig­i­nal texts:
A Schoolboy’s Day, Sumer, c. 2000 BC
Anony­mous
[The Sume­ri­ans of Mesopotamia (now Iraq), built the first cities, the first state. They invented writ­ing and the for­mal edu­ca­tion of chil­dren.]
Arriv­ing at school in the morn­ing I

Last Few Excerpts from The Brothers Karamazov

I am telling it. If I tell the whole truth just as it hap­pened I shan’t spare myself. My first idea was a—Karamazov one. Once I was bit­ten by a cen­tipede, brother, and laid up a fort­night with fever from it. Well, I felt a cen­tipede bit­ing at my heart then—a nox­ious insect, you under­stand?

The Man with the Knives by Heinrich Boll

One of my favorite short story writ­ers, Hein­rich Böll was a Ger­man writer awarded the 1972 Nobel Prize in Lit­er­a­ture. The fol­low­ing story is from The Sto­ries of Hein­rich Böll and was trans­lated by Leila Vennewitz:

The Man With the Knives
Jupp held the knife by the tip of the blade, let­ting it jog­gle idly up and

The Onion, a Fable from The Brothers Karamazov

You see, Alyosha,” Grushenka turned to him with a ner­vous laugh. “I was boast­ing when I told Rak­itin I had given away an onion, but it’s not to boast I tell you about it. It’s only a story, but it’s a nice story. I used to hear it when I was a child from Matry­ona,

Haruki Murakami: On Seeing the 100% Perfect Girl One Beautiful April Morning

This short story is by Haruki Murakami. I copied it from this web­site.
On See­ing the 100% Per­fect Girl One Beau­ti­ful April Morn­ing.
One beau­ti­ful April morn­ing, on a nar­row side street in Tokyo’s fash­ion­able Haru­juku neigh­bor­hood, I walked past the 100% per­fect girl.
Tell you the truth, she’s not that good-looking. She doesn’t stand out in any

All Praise Duotrope, the online, searchable database for writers

Duotrope, a search­able data­base list­ing over 2,000 plus pub­li­ca­tions, is an invalu­able resource for writ­ers like me who need help find­ing a home for their work. That last book or arti­cle you read and were telling every­one about may not have ever been pub­lished if the writer didn’t know what pub­lisher to sub­mit to. Duotrope